Legless lizard? Yeah, that’s called a snake

Scientists have discovered some new species recently. Goody for them. The more measly creatures they find the less chance they’ll run across some of our friends in the crypto-zoo realm.
There are some interesting animals in this article; but come on fellas, a lizard without legs? Is that anything like a hairless ape? We already have a name for those. Dummkopfs.

Ever met a zombie?

It’s local news, though it’s not my local. I found this amusing article that reads more like an editorial. You may enjoy it. It’s chock full of anti-zombie racism, and exploitation of the word in commercial use. People like this deserve to have their brains munched. I’m sure it would make a tasty appetizer smothered in ketchup.
Forward the article to all your friends of “folklore,” and maybe the Herald staff writer, Candice Boutilier will hear from a few. I hear if you smear manure in your locks, zombies won’t bite you in the head. Maybe she’ll try that.

Spider plague, spider plague, does whatever a spider plague does

Ooooh, creepy! This is what I like to hear. There's a plague of Redback spiders rampaging through a hospital down under. However, those barbaric human rottlers are scheming to eliminate them despite the painful irony that they are in a medical building with an anti-venom readily available. I'm glad those bites hurt.
Read the article here… if you dare.

Ton of skellies

Something weird happened in Potters Bar, England some time ago, and construction workers are finding the clues. This link takes you to a story that will surely have follow-up soon. Someone was having an addition put on to their cottage when they started to find skeletons under the floor. Don’t ask me how they know, but they expect to find up to 40 of them by the time they finish digging. Could be foul play — could be a grave site. Either way, where there be skellies, there be ghosts; and now they’re disturbed and agitated.

The moon changes everything

We all know that during the full moon anything can happen — especially the strangest things. I found an interesting article that explains it here. So next time you get chills and the hair on your neck stands up, keep telling yourself it’s static electricity. You may never feel the fatal blow.

A toast to the dead

I’m not sure why it’s being reported that a ghost was floating around a bar. All they wanted was a couple of drinks to take the edge off.

Home invasion for charity

There’s no information on how you can volunteer, but there is a charity in Wales looking for people to spend the night in a haunted castle. It’s at this link. Since it’s in the guise of a good cause, the volunteers’ intrusion on the home of over 20 ghosts will be overlooked… mostly. There’s at least one ghost who lives there who will not cooperate. She plans to rattle chains, and maybe even say, “Boo!” once or twice. That’s supposed to be sarcastic in case you missed it.

Villainous journalism

Here’s a short article on the greatest movie villains. Somehow Dracula, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, and Hannibal Lecter made the list. I thought they were good guys.
The writer, Ethan Sacks is obviously the real villain here. Not only did he call our Halloween hero Mike Myers (he’s not the comedian, dummy), but he could have found any number of official sources that would have given him the correct spelling of Hannibal Lecter. It’s not Lechter. I wonder if they’ll bother to fix that for the archives.
A bit of semi-related trivia: Dead issues like this would be forever archived in the old days when printed newspapers were filed away for reference in a place called the morgue.

Brainiac in a size 18

People are finally catching on that Bigfoot is smarter than them. Here’s a good argument for it. I keep hearing that it’s a stereotype to say they are smart, but I know for a fact that they are really good at math, science, and remembering where they buried your bones.
I have friends who are Bigfoots, and they all beat me at Scrabble, so I guess vocabulary is another strong point.

Wales at the moon

I don’t usually care much for entertainment news, but this is worth mentioning: Anthony Hopkins is filming a remake of Lon Chaney, Jr.’s original The Wolf Man. I hope they don’t ruin it. I’d hate to see his Hannibal Lecter character bleed into this role. Mmm, bloody rolls.
The article is more hype than anything. The headline and first paragraph mention fans swarming the set, but it looks more like a press release. Can anyone from Wales verify this?

The sound of white-nose

This isn’t hot off the presses, but I want to make sure there is awareness that our bats are dying. Scientists still haven’t figured out the exact cause, but some blame the pesticides you humans use… and I’m the monster here, right? What a bowl of rot!
Here’s the link for a good cry if you are capable of it.

Shanghai surprise

Attack of the killer tomato ghost. Not so. Just another bozo who jumped to conclusions about what he saw, but this is an amusing story. A ‘female ghost’ (which is always scarier) got into the back of a cab, and the driver ran off screaming bloody murder.
Ghosts think they’re the only ones who can’t get a cab, but we vampires have a hard time too. It’s not like we don’t tip well, so I don’t get it.

The Honey Monster

Some dork just changed his name to Honey Monster because he loves Sugar Puffs cereal. He’s eaten a bowl of this cereal per day since he was 9 years old. Abby Cadaver loves her sweets too, but you don’t see her changing her name to “Yummy Chocolate” or something.
To start with, the guy isn’t even a monster. He’s a human. Isn’t there some rule against this sort of thing? I should change my name to “Stupid Human” to see what kind of reaction I get.
Don’t take my word for it. See for yourself.

Yowie Kazowee, he’s naked!

Listen up, humans. It’s hard enough to swallow the idea that most of you don’t believe in us “monsters,” but for those of you who do believe, and want to prove it — is it really necessary to catch us at our most awkward moments?
The Yowie is Australia’s Bigfoot. You might say he’s the Bigfoot from down under. It‘s totally not necessary to catch his down under parts on film, and then post the picture on the internet. Thankfully all they got was his rear end.
Here’s the linky, but you won’t see his winky.

Zombie self-defense

This is a message to all the zombies out there. I found this article on how to fight and kill zombies. What a terrible thing! You must stand up for your rights. Read this article for inside secrets on how humans plan to do away with you. The more you know!

You are who your friends are

Here they go again. They’re confusing the Lizard Man with Bigfoot. For one, that’s like confusing the Geiko Gecko with Curious George. Two, Actually, the Lizard “Man” they are talking about is a woman. Three, they have names. Judging by the region, they’re talking about Elizabeth Squamata and Frank Sasquatch.
Lizzy told me about that day she attacked that van. It was a case of road rage, and she’s sorry. The van cut her off when she was trying to change lanes. She had her signal on, and the guy actually sped up causing her to miss her exit.
Anyway, here’s their confusing story. Turns out Frank was in the area that day. Maybe that’s why the humans are mixed up.